This is the first time I have ever blogged and frankly my life is pretty boring the way I see it, however I thought for my own sanity, I should start journaling and what better way than to share it with the world ha! I am a 37 year old single mom to an 11 year old daughter who is my entire world. I'm not sure how I got this amazing child to be picked for me and I know I may sound biased but she really is a genuinely sweet kid, an old soul I like to call her. I gave birth to her via c-section because her head was apparently to big, or my pelvic bones were too narrow, either way, she wasn't having anything to do with working her way through my birth canal lol. I'll never forget the moment they told me I had to go to the OR to deliver......after 28 hours of labor, 2 hours of pushing, they finally left me no choice. I sat straight up on the stretcher, pulled out my IV and demanded they discharge me right then and right there. I had never been into an OR before, never even broken a bone, there was NO way they were cutting me open to pull out a human being. Well, this surprised the staff, as they were shocked at my reaction and had no way to calm me down, now that I had taken out my IV. My husband at the time was talking to me and telling me that in less than 30 minutes we would finally meet our precious baby (who by the way was born at 42 weeks). His words must have distracted me from the fact the the nurse was inserting a new IV and within minutes I was in total bliss......you could have cut me open and pulled her out through my mouth and I wouldn't have cared lol. I don't know what they slipped into my IV line but whatever it was, I wanted to place an order to take home after this ordeal.
30 minutes later, my beautiful little girl was born at 5:17 am on October 29th 2002. We had the first snowfall of the year the day she was born, I'll never forget holding her in my arms and wondering how it was possible to love someone so much that you just met. She was amazing in every way and I often can't remember my life without her in it. A few short weeks after she was born, my husband and I decided to go our separate ways (actually I decided, he just went with it). We had no closure in our separation, no discussion, I just wasn't happy anymore with him.....he refused to get a job, I was on mat leave, we were on welfare and he just wasn't motivated to do anything. The day I packed up our stuff and took apart our baby's crib, he sat out in our living room playing video games with his friend. I knew then and there that we had to go. So I bundled up my newborn, got into the car and left. He didn't follow. The next day I went back to gather more stuff and put all of his things in the middle of the empty living room floor next to his video games, I paid the rent for the last time and told him he had to get his stuff and move out.
I took the baby to my parents, we've been here ever since. Her dad would come out to visit periodically and I never ever kept him for her but he was not aloud to take her out of the house for the day.....one because she was a newborn, and 2 because she was exclusively breast fed and needed to be with me for feeds. We had an amicable relationship. We have had a good share of ups and downs over the years but ended up maintaining a friendship far better than our marriage. He doesn't pay child support and never has, and he still doesn't have a job 11 years later but it is what it is and I have no say in how he lives his life. Me on the other hand? I knew that I was going to do something with my life to be able to support us both with no problems. When she turned just 18 months old I went back to school to become an RPN. It took me 2 years and I got a job right after in a busy cardiology unit ( I though what the hell am I doing?). I applied as a joke and got the job. I was the very first RPN hired onto this acute unit and I had NO clue what I was doing. I spent the next 3 years learning more about myself and the human body, disease processes, medications, IV starts, bloodwork, interpreting lab results, administering CPR, and most of all making a difference in people's lives. I was still though ONLY AN RPN. I was doing the work of an RN and getting paid significantly less. After 3 years of perfecting my nursing skills and learning way more than I ever thought possible, they decided that RPNs would no longer be aloud in acute medical floors and we were basically replaced with new RN grads that had no clue what they were doing. It was devastating for me as I had proven myself to that whole unit, made great friends, and loved my job there. They say god works in mysterious ways, and it was at this time that I decided enough was enough. I applied for the BScN degree program and figured "what have I got to lose". I was accepted, and it was a 3 year program. My daughter was 8 when I entered and I am proud to say that in 4 more months I will be the proud recipient of a degree in health sciences. Although the pay was a huge incentive, it's the pride and accomplishment that makes me squeal in delight. It's important to note that I hated every single second of this program, and if I wasn't already a nurse for the last 7 years, I would be lost coming out of it. I can honestly say they don't prepare you for the real world of nursing.
Through all of this work and accomplishment, I must admit, it wasn't an easy feat. You see, I suffer from severe panic disorder, depression, anxiety and a few other issues I will save for another blog. The story gets interesting, so stay tuned to hear more.......
Peace and love to all
